This season has been one of the hardest years of my life. The theme has been pain and patience – unknowing and waiting. I have learned this year that we are not in control – which went against all my type A+ controlling nature. God has used this year and the events that have happened to show me so much of what I was holding onto – controlling and knowing why is so unimportant to actual growth.
I knew this intellectually. I have a Phd in Psychology and my bent during study was always neuropsychology and nero-plasticity – how our minds are not set in stone and we can change the way we think, emote, and ultimately act. I have always been facilitated by people who are successful at changing their lives for the better and the process they used to change their habits and thinking to achieve a different result. The experience of a recent season, however, put all that knowledge to the test. I had a ton of head knowledge, had worked with and studied some of the greatest mentors, was personally pretty successful at systems, time management, habit change and business and personal development. God wanted me to get this understanding from my head and plant it deep into my heart.
My daughter had an unexpected medical emergency that came out of no where. It almost killed her. She was in the hospital for 4 days – and my life was forever turned upside down. The process of recovery was slow and was not an overnight type recovery but one that would last 1-2 years. For a mamma- bear like me – I couldn’t stop what happened and I couldn’t fix what happened. It was out of my control. My response to it all – however – was in my control.
In my attempt to hang on to control and try to fix it all, I ended up in the hospital. The stress of trying to control a situation that was not mine to fix put me there. Just a few weeks after all of this we found out that my mom, who had been in remission with stage 3 lung cancer, was now battling a massively metastasized cancer that had spread to her lungs again, her pancreas, and her liver. Mom went to her new chemo treatment the next week and it literally almost killed her. So much poison was put into her body that her body started to shut down. She and my dad decided after 3 weeks that there would be no more chemo. I lost my mom in September this year. She is now cancer free and seeing the very face of God. I, on the other hand, even thought I am happy and a little jealous of her, am grief stricken. She is my best friend and I miss her fiercely.
I continued to run our non profit and since I am the main source of fundraising – the funds for the ministry decreased dramatically – Leaving me feeling like a failure to the few hundred orphans that we support through Mosaic Vision. This opened my eyes to the importance of building a tribe of other warriors for the orphans that eventually came along side me and started to move the non profit forward. On top of all this , we also have had our home for sale since March and have had one agent we had to fire and fell out of escrow just last week.
This is where you need to read the sarcasm in my voice when I tell you this seasons of life we have been under a little stress. It was the stand against the wall and open the firehose type of stress that can render you dead inside if you let it. I didn’t because God wouldn’t let me. I finally got to the end of myself. My pride and ego and abilities could no longer help me stand. Even though I had been a very committed Christian for many years – the season God taught me what true dependence looked like. I did not have the strength to even continue to stand without leaning on Him.
Another thing I learned with all of those years of controlling and high performing had left me with very shallow relationships. God changed that in this season of my life too. I learned what it meant to actually let people in and let people help. That was tough because since I was young my faulty coping mechanisms taught me that I needed to survive at all costs. I needed to out perform and outwork everyone and stay in control so that I never- ever had to feel unprotected and vulnerable again. If I was the best at what I did, I could be admired – which was like love – even though it was a counterfeit of love – it felt more safe than what I experienced in childhood. At 12 my mind was made up and I lived that out until my late 30’s. Until God, marriage, and children redefined Love for me. This season helped me to really understand that people are the reason we are here – to help each other and build one another up in the faith.
One thing this last season has taught me was that being authentically me is important. That I, like you, am a God designed unique person that has a message that only I can tell. I have hurts, successes, relationships, methods, and processes that are unlike anyone else. I discovered in this season of my life to really learn who I was and how important that authenticity was to my life and business. I also developed systems and methods to putting my priorities to work in my schedule so that I can achieve my God given dreams and desires for my family, life, and business. I learned to listen to and master the emotions that were driving my thoughts and actions.
My desire now is to serve others with this knowledge which may improve their lives. I am going to offer a free video training for those who are interested my systems and methods that i used to learn who I am authentically, to understand what are the motivating forces at work in my life and business, and how to design the life and business that I love and and am proud of.
In this series, you will learn how to use my step by step tools, methods, and blueprints which will teach you to master emotion, train your thinking, change habits, and begin to now dream, plan, and schedule your goals and priorities. This step by step method is a game changer because you now have the emotional and mental IQ to put your biggest dreams, plans, and business into actionable live-outable steps and make it happen !!
If you think this type of information may serve you -sign up for the free video sessions bellow – 7 day push. I want to make these available to those who really think that this will help them build the life and business that they love. The link will be open for a very short period because I want to make this an exclusive group of people that get this information. We will also be starting a closed Facebook group where we can discuss each video and I can help you implement the steps!
Blessings
Dr Shannon
